Sunday, April 6, 2014

Seasons of change

 Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? ~ Mary Oliver

This has been a particularly harsh winter in the midwest (and other parts of the country). I don't know about you, but this winter has had a profound effect on my outlook and mood. I've become increasingly more aware of how much I want to hibernate, and how challenging it is to get out of bed in the morning.

I have a great life. At long last, I'm graduating college, I have started yoga teacher training, I have remarkable friends and a loving family. I am employed and have a roof over my head. I have more than enough food and am in good health. Plus, I have the sweetest furry "daughter" on the planet (, I'm biased!). I have weathered my share of painful experiences and am so grateful to have come out the other side...a little bruised maybe, but gaining wisdom and strength in the process.

And yet.....

I'm not happy. There, I admitted it. I feel guilty for saying that out loud, but there it is. And the messed up thing about it is that I don't even know exactly why. I'm engaging in behaviors that I know aren't in my best interests: self-pity, resentments....all those toxic, unhealthy things that I thought I gave up long ago. But those bast**ds are back with a vengeance...and they have their hooks in me.

I've written blogs before and received encouraging feedback from friends and colleagues who read my posts. My intention has always been to share honestly, in the hopes that my experiences might 
help someone else.

My intention for this new blog is the same. I will be as open and honest as I can be...that is a promise.

Over time, I've learned that...for me...there's fear and there's love....everything else is a by-product of those two emotions. If I'm angry or my feelings are hurt, when I peel away 
all the layers, it always comes down to fear. My heart has its share of scars from the past, but I'd rather risk another scar than keep my heart locked up behind an impenetrable wall....I lived too much of my life that way, thinking it was's not. I would rather love big than not at all. 

I am a big believer in the power of positive thinking. However, I have also learned that life is cyclical and there are seasons of life that mirror the seasonal cycles of nature. I have to surrender to the fact that some seasons are not filled with rainbows and sunshine. Some seasons are as harsh, dark and bitterly cold as this winter has been.

But...regardless of how harsh the winter has been, spring always comes. 

As I walked home tonight, after a serendipitous meeting with a friend, I noticed that the trees were starting to show buds and new growth! The next phase of the cycle is slowing starting to emerge.

As a wise person once said, THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

I know that this is true. The sun rises and the sun sets. Everything changes and nothing lasts. But that's OK. It's the way it was meant to be.


  1. Beautiful, open and honest. Your heart shows and so it is... Sometimes I think the "why" is the problem as opposed to the actual feelings...Thank you for sharing this

  2. Lovely - and you've seen some GREEN!