Monday, May 19, 2014

What a difference a day makes....


Thirteen years ago tonight, my life was very different than it is today.
People who know me now might not recognize the person I was then.

I was sick.
I was broken.
....and I didn't even know it.

I knew I was scared.
I knew I hated myself and my life.
I didn't know there was a way out.

There is.

That night I prayed for help to anything that could hear me.

I was desperate.....
and I was also heard.

When it seems as though all else is gone, please remember that hope is always there. If you can hang on to even the teeeeeniest bit of hope, you've got a chance.

Ask for help.
Share your fears.
There are other people who understand and can help.

You are not alone.

Miracles happen every day.
I'm one of them!

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Lifting me higher....

I am a firm believer in quality over quantity...especially in relationships. I would rather have a few, good know, the kind of friends who you can call at 3 a.m... the kind who you can count on in good times and in bad...honest, trustworthy friends.

I always found the phenomenon of social media interesting in that regard...some people seem to collect "friends," as if whoever has the most at the end of the game, wins.
I get media isn't real life, but it's an interesting glimpse at today's does this relate to real life relationships?
Do folks put as much effort into building & sustaining relationships as they used to? Have relationships become so transient that they've become disposable?
This is not the main focus of tonight's post....just some food for thought.

I went off on this tangent because I had the privilege of spending a few hours this afternoon with a dear, dear friend of mine, who was in town on a layover. She left the States last year and is back for a short time. One of the many things that was so special about this visit is that, even though we haven't seen each other in a very long time, once we were in the same room, it was as if no time had passed. Of course, we had all sorts of stuff to catch up on....but what is truly important, the deep connection that we share, was just as strong as it was when she left...maybe even moreso. I am so grateful to have people like this in my life.

These are the type of relationships that I want to cultivate.

I would much rather surround myself with people who are positive, gracious, and full of integrity...people who inspire me to be a better version of myself. And people for whom I can do the same...
I am so very fortunate to have some amazing people in my life like that. They are an integral part of a support system that I can count on. We are available for each other and encourage each other through good times and bad. We celebrate each others successes and provide comfort & strength during the rough times.

Today I want to say THANK YOU to all the special people that lift me up every bring inspiration, love, and joy to my life and I am forever grateful for your friendship!


Sunday, May 4, 2014

Round & round.....

It's been an "interesting" few weeks!
Suffice it to say that there have been some surprises and not all of them good.
I have learned (yet again!)....that things are not always what they appear to be. Masks are not only worn on Halloween and "Mean Girls" was apparently based on real life events...(cue the "Law & Order" theme music....)

I have felt like I'm on shaky ground lately, not fully trusting my judgment of certain people in my life.
It's not a comfortable feeling for a number of reasons and I don't feel completely comfortable admitting it, but it's the least it's my truth. 
My secrets keep me sick and I am sick and tired of feeling sick, so I'm letting go of some of my secrets.

I've recently started to address some behaviors that no longer serve me. I'm starting to learn new coping skills to help me deal with people, places, & things over which I have no control... (everything!)

I'm finding myself in situations where I have the opportunity to practice NOT taking other people's words & actions personally. It's REALLY hard!
It's making me crazy (I'm making myself crazy, is more accurate...)because these situations are appearing in almost every area of my life & it's becoming increasingly difficult to convince myself that I am NOT the cause of the "crazy".
I'm spinning and obsessing and completely "up in my head"....that dangerous neighborhood that I should not venture into alone.

I am SO grateful that I have a few trusted souls with whom I can confide this stuff!

They remind me that I am exactly where I need to be and that I'm being taken care of. There's a bigger picture that I am not privy to and I need to focus on what's right in front of me in this moment...and this one...and then this one...and so on.

I need to take care of me....and turn my focus inward. I need to stop getting so involved with other people's "drama."
I have enough of my own, thank you...don't need to add more to it!
Back to basics with meditation, prayer, yoga, rest, and spiritual connections in all their many forms.
I need to reach out instead of shutting down, which is what I want to do. 
I need to get off the hamster wheel and focus on what I have to be grateful for....the list is endless!
I need to remember that I need to take care of myself and setting boundaries is one way to do that.

Today was a great day!
Happiness was definitely the priority du jour....

Sweet dreams, friends!