Coming home

“The biggest failure you can have in life is making the mistake of never trying at all.” – Unknown

As September draws to a close, I'm taking the opportunity to reflect on the last 9 months. I have been bold in trying new things and pursuing new opportunities. I have definitely said, YES to my life more this year than I have in in the recent past. Perhaps that's one of the advantages of getting older (and hopefully, a bit wiser) is that fear of the unknown doesn't paralyze me quite as much as it used to. Not to say that I'm reckless, not by any means! But I am willing to do a little recon and explore my options. 

As I become clearer on what I DON'T want, I can make space for the possibility of what I MAY want; I can try it on, see how it "fits" me, and decide to keep it or move on to the next option.

This blog has been calling to me. I took a break for awhile and now I feel pulled back, to share my experiences, lessons learned, and try to find my way through the daily challenges of life. I believe that life is better shared, much like a gooey, decadent dessert. Sometimes it makes you feel really good and sometimes it makes you feel sick. Either way, the experience is better when you have someone to share it with!

The most profound lessons of my life have come from allowing myself to be vulnerable with others, even when I didn't know how to do that. When I admitted that I needed help, support, or just someone to share my feelings with, more often than not, what I needed was there. I learned that not only did I have to ask for help, but I also had to allow people to help me, even when their help didn't look exactly the way I expected. 

I believe that each of us is born with a unique gift that is ours alone to share with the world. No one else can do or be that one "thing" in exactly the same way that we can. The world is made so much richer by our contributions. The tragedy of today's society is that we're conditioned to conform, to fit in, to dull our special light. I think there's a huge difference between self-confidence and conceit. In an attempt to avoid the latter, we often sacrifice the former. I have suffered from feelings of "not ___ enough" my whole life, and, even now, I am uncomfortable when someone acknowledges a positive attribute that I possess. I am so conditioned to minimizing my strengths; I wish that I could provide myself with the same support and encouragement that I give to others.

But...

I'm working on it.

I'm a work in progress.

I can accept that today.

I'll never be perfect and that's OK.

As long as I'm a little better than I was yesterday, I'm moving in the right direction.

I'm glad to be back and look forward to sharing more adventures & insights with you.

Sweet dreams, lovelies!

<3

Back in the saddle again...

“If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up.” – J.M. Power

Hello friend....It's been awhile since we last got together. I hope all is well in your world. I'm sorry I've been M.I.A. I didn't feel quite up to sharing...haven't been thrilled with some choices I've made lately. I've been stuck in a rut of ickiness and didn't feel that I had much of worth to share with you. I guess it would have been the ideal time to share my struggles & imperfections with you...I know I'm not alone in my negative feelings of self worth and self-medicating with food & social media, but who wants to hear someone complain about their life, right?  I want to provide inspiration and support, not wallow in my own crap. Misery loves company & I am determined NOT to contribute to the already excessive amount of negativity in the world. SO, I chose to stay silent.....for far too long, as it turns out.

I'm ready to take baby steps to loving myself again and treating myself the way I want to be treated.

I'm sick & tired of being sick & tired! Ready to make some MAJOR changes...starting with my physical health.

Can any of you relate?

Have you experienced periods like this?

What's worked for you? |

Maybe we can help each other....

Would love to hear from you!

Peace & love...

<3

Oh, the places you'll go.....

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know.
And you are the one who'll decide where you'll go.
Oh the places you'll go.”
― Dr. Seuss

What a weekend!

I am finally a graduate of DePaul University....class of 2014---wooo hoooo!!!

When I began this journey several years ago I had no idea how much the experience of completing my college degree would change me.

A friend introduced me to the program that would allow me to complete my college education in a manner that was accessible and manageable with my full time job. The curriculum was creative and flexible and I jumped at the opportunity to register.

During my time there, I learned how much I enjoy writing and that I'm pretty good at it. My curiosity for learning was reignited and I developed confidence in myself in a way that I hadn't been able to before. Another friend who attended my graduation yesterday remarked that this accomplishment is something that no one can ever take away from me. 

I agree...

But it's more than that.

I've realized that I can do anything I set my mind to.

I've learned to push past the boundaries of what I believe to be possible....there are NO limits to what can be.

I know that I have an incredible support system....many of whom showed up yesterday to cheer me on as I accepted my degree.

I've learned that my actions can serve as inspiration for others to pursue their own dreams...which shocked the hell out of me.

I learned that it's never too late to begin something new...

I am so very grateful for the support and good wishes from friends and family and others from all around the globe.

YOU inspire me to take risks and to be better than I was before.

YOU give me courage to be myself even when I don't know exactly what that looks like...

...and when I stumble, you love me in spite of myself.

You allow me to speak from my wide open heart, and for that and so much more...I thank YOU!!

What a difference a day makes....

05/20/01

Thirteen years ago tonight, my life was very different than it is today.

People who know me now might not recognize the person I was then.

I was sick.

I was broken.

....and I didn't even know it.

I knew I was scared.

I knew I hated myself and my life.

I didn't know there was a way out.

There is.

That night I prayed for help to anything that could hear me.

I was desperate.....

and I was also heard.

When it seems as though all else is gone, please remember that hope is always there. If you can hang on to even the teeeeeniest bit of hope, you've got a chance.

Ask for help.

Share your fears.

There are other people who understand and can help.

You are not alone.

Miracles happen every day.

I'm one of them!

xox

Lifting me higher....

I am a firm believer in quality over quantity...especially in relationships. I would rather have a few, good friends...you know, the kind of friends who you can call at 3 a.m... the kind who you can count on in good times and in bad...honest, trustworthy friends.

I always found the phenomenon of social media interesting in that regard...some people seem to collect "friends," as if whoever has the most at the end of the game, wins.

I get it....social media isn't real life, but it's an interesting glimpse at today's society....how does this relate to real life relationships?

Do folks put as much effort into building & sustaining relationships as they used to? Have relationships become so transient that they've become disposable?

This is not the main focus of tonight's post....just some food for thought.

I went off on this tangent because I had the privilege of spending a few hours this afternoon with a dear, dear friend of mine, who was in town on a layover. She left the States last year and is back for a short time. One of the many things that was so special about this visit is that, even though we haven't seen each other in a very long time, once we were in the same room, it was as if no time had passed. Of course, we had all sorts of stuff to catch up on....but what is truly important, the deep connection that we share, was just as strong as it was when she left...maybe even moreso. I am so grateful to have people like this in my life.

These are the type of relationships that I want to cultivate.

I would much rather surround myself with people who are positive, gracious, and full of integrity...people who inspire me to be a better version of myself. And people for whom I can do the same...

I am so very fortunate to have some amazing people in my life like that. They are an integral part of a support system that I can count on. We are available for each other and encourage each other through good times and bad. We celebrate each others successes and provide comfort & strength during the rough times.

Today I want to say THANK YOU to all the special people that lift me up every day....you bring inspiration, love, and joy to my life and I am forever grateful for your friendship!

xox

Round & round.....

It's been an "interesting" few weeks!

Suffice it to say that there have been some surprises and not all of them good.

I have learned (yet again!)....that things are not always what they appear to be. Masks are not only worn on Halloween and "Mean Girls" was apparently based on real life events...(cue the "Law & Order" theme music....)

I have felt like I'm on shaky ground lately, not fully trusting my judgment of certain people in my life.

It's not a comfortable feeling for a number of reasons and I don't feel completely comfortable admitting it, but it's the truth....at least it's my truth. 

My secrets keep me sick and I am sick and tired of feeling sick, so I'm letting go of some of my secrets.

I've recently started to address some behaviors that no longer serve me. I'm starting to learn new coping skills to help me deal with people, places, & things over which I have no control... (everything!)

I'm finding myself in situations where I have the opportunity to practice NOT taking other people's words & actions personally. It's REALLY hard!

It's making me crazy (I'm making myself crazy, is more accurate...)because these situations are appearing in almost every area of my life & it's becoming increasingly difficult to convince myself that I am NOT the cause of the "crazy".

I'm spinning and obsessing and completely "up in my head"....that dangerous neighborhood that I should not venture into alone.

I am SO grateful that I have a few trusted souls with whom I can confide this stuff!

They remind me that I am exactly where I need to be and that I'm being taken care of. There's a bigger picture that I am not privy to and I need to focus on what's right in front of me in this moment...and this one...and then this one...and so on.

I need to take care of me....and turn my focus inward. I need to stop getting so involved with other people's "drama."

I have enough of my own, thank you...don't need to add more to it!

Back to basics with meditation, prayer, yoga, rest, and spiritual connections in all their many forms.

I need to reach out instead of shutting down, which is what I want to do. 

I need to get off the hamster wheel and focus on what I have to be grateful for....the list is endless!

I need to remember that I need to take care of myself and setting boundaries is one way to do that.

Today was a great day!

Happiness was definitely the priority du jour....

Sweet dreams, friends!

xo

Namaste

This weekend I completed my 2nd month of yoga teacher training. I had the pleasure of spending one evening and two full days learning about various esoteric and practical components of yoga practice. There are few things I enjoy more than spending time on my mat, with my yoga buddies....

People from so many different backgrounds walking on the same path. People come to yoga for different reasons, but the one thing that keeps them coming back is that they feel better.
My yoga mat is one of the only places where I can go to escape the chatter in my head. More often than not, I am able to stay present on my mat. I find clarity and peace on my mat...it's definitely more than just a physical practice for me.

One of my most poignant memories is from a painful period in my life, coming to accept that I could no longer remain in a relationship. I attended a regular class with a dear friend, and she knew what I had been dealing with. In class that night, as I went through the ansana sequences, I made the decision to end the relationship. I cried through each pose because I knew that in order to take care of myself, I had to walk away. It was a painful realization, but I knew in my heart that it was what I had to do. The repetition of the familiar postures soothed me as I found the way to my heart on the safety of my mat. My heart told me the truth and led me to the decision I had been trying so hard to avoid.
As we lay in savasana,  the final resting pose, my friend reached out & took my hand. I knew then that everything would be OK.

Yoga means union. It joins us together and helps us to remember that, at our core, we're really all the same. Different outsides, different life experiences, but we all come from love. And at the end of the journey, that's what we're all trying to return to: love.


We're all just walking each other home. ---Ram Dass